holiness zealot

utterances

2010-05-22T23:08:00.002-04:00

something weird is happening to me.
something completely infiltrating my mind; my mouth.
words....utterances that mean absolutely nothing to me
simply jump out of my mouth.
grab my mind.
make my tongue pull and tingle and pulse.
let me out!
weird.
where's the glory to God in that?
how can He recieve glory from what i don't understand?
yet a bird tweets and sings and whistles,
and this brings glory to the Most High.
i cannot understand the bird.
But God Can.
i cannot understand the language
which proceeds from my own mouth.
But God Can.
may all glory go to Him
who gave me life and breath.
i don't understand what's happening to me
But God Does.

24

2010-01-03T18:09:00.002-05:00

So I just turned 24. In my mind, 24 is a significant number for several reasons.....

1.) 24 is 1 year before 25, which is the quarter-century (and hump-year of the 20s--meaning 25 is the middle year, and therefore after 25, the downhill of the 20s begin)
2.) 24 is the highest number on the military clock: 2400 (or 0000 if you want to be technical)
3.) 24 is mentioned over and over again in that song by Switchfoot...though I'm not completely sure why.
4.) There are 24 hours in a day (see #2)
5.) 24 is an even number, divided by 2 is 12, which is the number of deciples, days of Christmas etc.
6.) 24 just sounds so much older than 23.
7.) 24 is a cool tv show that I've never actually seen, but heard good things about.
8.) Dr. Reid was 24 in the first season of Criminal Minds.
9.) 24 is the number of books in the Tanakh
10.) There are 24 carats in 100% gold (the purest form of gold)
11.) The letter X is the 24th letter in the alphabet. X is also a letter representing Christ.
12.) 1x2x3x4=24

So I could only think of 12 reasons why the number 24 is significant. This is perfictly fine because 12 is half of 24.

tears of an angel

2009-11-30T12:17:00.003-05:00

One of my favorite songs by ryandan, tears of an angel. And it's about hotch!

:(

2009-11-29T23:14:00.002-05:00

I don't know why I'm even relating this. I guess I just have to get it off my chest. And for all two of you who read this, I don't care.

I walked into the nursing home today to get my check, and one of the older nurses was talking about me to another nurse. I was confused and inquired what she was talking about.

"Your admission you did about a week and a half ago wasn't completed right." She started naming off all the things I had done wrong and said "You really should be written up for all
this."

I was shocked and I tried to defend myself (as usual) but it was clear I had missed some stuff. "I'm young. I'm still learning..." I persisted.

The older nurse gave me a look like I should know everything already.

"I'm sorry." I finally said.

"Sorry isn't good enough." She motioned to the other nurse. "SHE has to finish what you didn't do. She has enough work of her own."

Don't they know I jump through flaming hoops to try to make sure my work is done so it's not pushed on anybody else? I've been at work past 11, 12, even 1 in the morning to try to finish stuff. Yet it doesn't matter. I always manage to screw up somehow.

So I'm angry and upset. Admissions are really difficult and theres alot of stuff to do with that beyond all my usual work with my 20-some odd patients. Yes. So I miss stuff. Vital stuff that threatens my license. It took me a long time to get that license, and it only takes one bad-enough mistake to loose it.

Forget it...seems like being a nurse isn't worth the stress and the trouble.

...but this is what God wanted me to be. And He will see me thru....

"intensely cheerful"

2009-11-27T22:17:00.000-05:00

Which Lord of the Rings Character Are You?

Created by BuddyTV

apparently I am an elf. :)

miss scarlet in the study with the wrench

2009-11-25T22:33:00.002-05:00

So yesturday i was at work, doing my second double (16 hr day). It was insane. I had one fall and a pt vomited, but that wasnt the worst. i was really sick with a head cold, conjestion and post nasal drip ew. And I used up an entire box of tissues (provided by the nursing home :)) Anyways, I did have a good moment. I had some free time in the morning after my first med pass before lunch (when does THAT happen??) and my aide was on break, so I was watching the floor. I was reading Psalm 78. It was so good. Then I was talking to a pt, and he said he was back-slidden. I was trying to encourage him in the Lord, and i was trying to witness to him. I had my Bible out ready to read the psalm. But then he got distracted (he has underlying dementia) and decided to comb his hair. Oh well... maybe next time. Then I left my Bible in the med cart and went home without it. The nurse texted me this morning and said, "Uh, I think you left your Bible in the med cart." I went to get it, then I got home and cleaned and we had thanxgiving dinner today instead of tomorrow cuz I have to work 3-11 at MC.

Ellllioooootttt.....

2009-11-25T22:30:00.002-05:00

Which Law & Order Detective Are You?

More on Law and Order. Created by BuddyTV

I'm Elliot. He's my fav L&O character :)

Luke Skye Walker

2009-11-25T19:26:00.001-05:00

Which Star Wars Character Are You?

Created by BuddyTV

He seriously doesn't smile....ever.

2009-11-19T00:06:00.004-05:00

Which Criminal Minds Character Are You?

More on Criminal Minds. Created by BuddyTV

Apparently I'm Hotch....my friend Kristin called it, and I didn't believe her. I was thinking, "No way. Just no way." I mean, I admire the guy, and for some reason have a strange respect/fascination for him, but I mean seriously speaking, the guy doesn't smile. Ever. But for some reason, he's like my favorite character.

After watching the show, I do see the similarities between Hotch and myself....
I'm like him at work. I'm totally focused on what I'm doing, and purpose driven. I want to get the job done. I mean, for example, a couple weeks ago, my boss got fired right in front of me, and I didn't even notice cuz I was so focused on my work. Several times, other staff (including my boss) have stopped me and said, "smile, Deb, smile" cuz I'm so focused and overwhelmed by what I have to do, that forget to.

Anyone that knows me outside of work may not believe this, because when I'm not working, I'm pretty layed back. But during work, I'm DRIVEN. Dude, I could go an entire day without smiling if that day includes a couple falls, some episodes of vomiting and an admission. A couple weeks ago (maybe the same day my boss got fired), my other boss came to me and said, "Oh, by the way, you have three admissions today." Three? THREE!!?? I basically told her, "Please excuse me while I walk out of here and never come back."

Everything ended up working out in the end, even though I sent one patent to the hospital because he wasn't urinating into his Foley, and when i tried to straight cath him, all this blood and junk came out and was on the catheter. And he was in alot of pain. I was like, "Great. This is probably the worse day ever." This an example where I did not smile the entire day.

Ok, so those are some examples how I am like Hotch. And this is what I get for having a best friend who's obsessed with Criminal minds and is also a psych major.

Shamless

2009-10-16T15:19:00.003-04:00

"Do not gloat over me, my enemy!
Though I have fallen, I will rise.
Though I sit in darkness,
the Lord will be my light.
Because I have sinned against him,
I will bear the Lord's wrath,
until he pleads my case
and establishes my right,
He will bring me out into the light,
I will see his righteousness."
-Micah 7:8-9

I sin. You sin. We all sin.

It's undeniable, inevitable, irrivocable and shameful.
We are pitiful, pathetic, poor and filthy in God's sight.

I think it's important to remember the ugliness and shamefulness of sin in order to appreciate and glorify God for His undeserved grace.

My shame became His shame.
His blood covered my sin.
I'm different now in His sight.
I have been set free.

killer bunnies

2009-07-13T18:40:00.002-04:00

I'm in beautiful Colorado. Dang, every time I come out, I just want to move out here. I have no desire to go back to delaware. Especially since I'm going back to do 3 doubles in a row at the nursing home. boom, boom, boom. In the event that I survive that, I am then planning on going to Camp Cedarbrook in PA to be a camp nurse! Whoo! I am very excited about this.

Immediately following this camp experience comes my orientation for Manor Care, in which I think that they hired me as a PRN nurse. I am excited because this place looks like a hospital inside, even though it is your basic Rehab and LTC (Long Term Care) facility. This place offers more skilled care (in which I finally get to practice some skills!) as opposed to an intermediate facility (which Newark Manor is). Look out trachs, vents, wound vacs, and IVs....here I come! Am I scared? Yes. I can handle my own at Newark Manor only about 75% of the time, so Manor Care is a leap for me. But I know that God got me into this job, and He won't let me down now. Will is be hard? Yes, but not impossible.

So, back to Colorado. The other day, we (me, my mom, my bro + sis in law) went to Aspen to see an awesome orchestra at the music school. Then we went hiking at the Maroon Bells (not up them---this is very dangerous, usually resulting in serious injury or fatality). We saw the Bells, and let me tell you --- it was basically the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen!!!! You would not believe me unless you have seen it. Yes. Yes, I want to move out here. I say this every single time I visit. However, this is not the right time; this is quite clear to me. Today, mom and I went to the Springs and saw the garden of the gods (which obviously, one God created). It was breathtaking. What a testimony of God's creativity and goodness!

Awesomeness.

Not what I want

2009-06-10T14:40:00.002-04:00

I feel like I'm supposed to be in Newark. I mean, I live here, my church is here, my work is here, and my college ministry is here. My entire network of living is in a 1 mile radius. I don't get out of Newark much. But...I feel like I'm supposed to be here. Still. After all these years.

I want to move to Lancaster, to be close to my g'rents, and to live with my aunt.

I want to move to Colorado, to be near my bro and sis. It would be cool to live in the mountains.

I want to move to Central or South America, and practice nursing in poverished Hispanic areas...like the ones that broke my heart in Ecuador.

I want to move to Africa...a dream I've had for quite sometime....and teach preventive care and healthy habits, and take care of little kids with AIDs and young women who have nowhere else to turn.

I want to move up north, or out west, or maybe even down south.

But most of all, I want to bring God the most glory possible, and in my heart, I feel like that is staying right here in Newark...for a little while at least. Bringing God glory is more important than what I want.

"In those days..."

2009-04-14T12:28:00.005-04:00

Be prepared. When Christ comes, we need to be ready. Here is what the prophet Joel says in regards to that Day...

"And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions.
Even on your servants, both mena nd women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days. I will show wonders in the heavens and on the earth, blood and fire and billows of smoke.
The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord.
And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved; for on the Mount Zion and in Jerusalem there will be deliverance, as the Lord has said, among the survivors whom the Lord calls." -Joel 2:28-32

Going along with this passage, it is crucial that we as Christians are strong in the faith, especially as the day that Jesus talks about grows closer. He says in Mark 13...

"Watch out that no one deceives you. Many will come in my name claiming, 'I am he," and will deceive many. When you hear of wars and rumors of wars, do not be alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains.

"You must be on your guard. You will be handed over to the local councils and flogged in the synagogues. On account of me you will stand before governors and kings as witnesses to them. And the gospel must first be preached to all nations. Whenever you are arrested and brought to trial, do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit.

"Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child. Children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved." -Mark 13:5-13

While we are still in a time of peace and freedom of religion in this country, it is essential that we study the Scriptures to the max and seek God with our entire being. Things will get alot harder according to these passages. I don't know when, but I know that the Word is true, and these warnings are written with a sense of urgancy.

Some Christians claim that God will pull us out of here before things get tough. I don't claim that to be true or untrue. I just know what the Scripture says. It says, "...he who stands firm to the end will be saved" (Mark 13:13b). I don't know when the end is, but I want to stand firm. Standing firm means putting on Christ's full armour (Eph. 6:10-18) to protect us.

Be prepared. Don't waste your life.

water guys

2009-04-13T23:50:00.003-04:00

Prayer in Smith 140 tonight. Awesome!
The Lord really uses Iyez to gather the saints together to pray. May the Lord strengthen him to keep doing that for years to come.
Isaac is heading up the "ud water guys" again this semester, starting this friday. You know I'll be there!
Iyez started handing out water to students... I don't know how long ago. He stands in front of Kirkbride on campus and hands out water to students passing by. When they ask, "Yo, why ya doing this?" He says, "Just sharing God's love. God loves you, you know."
I've helped him out a couple times and I'm excited to help him out again.
The website is up...check it out at www.udwaterguys.com
God is awesome. What an awesome God we have, guys!

T-7 days and counting...

2009-04-11T21:44:00.003-04:00

For all the maybe 2 of you who read this blog, your prayers for my mission trip will be appreciated. For those of you who may not know, April 18-May 1, I am going on a medical mission to Gualaquiza and Cuenca, Ecuador with a medical team. We will be specializing in OB-GYN surgeries and treatments. Because I joined the team late (near the end of last month), I will not have a set "role." I am an RN, so I can do some stuff, but most of the tasks were already assigned to the other team members. I'm thinking I will be doing a lot of observing, some assisting, and perhaps some recovery. I don't really know. However, I do know that we will be witnessing Christ to our patients. I am really excited and scared about this. I have limited knowledge in Spanish, but I am praying that God will work around the language barrier.

My testimony of the Ecuador trip is such: My brother's mother in law told me about the trip (she is going on it) last month when we got together in CO for my bro's wedding. Afterword, I prayed and asked the Lord to lead. I didn't think about the trip for a week.
I had sent an email to the team leader of the trip expressing tentative interest, but asking about health insurance. (Since I'm unemployed, I don't have insurance). The team leader emailed me back and said that the organization (Christian Medical and Dental Association/ Global Health Outreach), offers insurance. At the same time, my dad called me saying that he had gotten my passport (which I had gotten as a senior in high school) and that it was still valid. Praise the Lord!
I then called the team leader and talked about the details. In three days, I had most of the trip organized except for purchasing plane tickets!
I did not ask anyone for a penny for the trip. I resolved to pay for the entire thing (over $2500) myself. My pastor found out I was going on a medical mission, and announced it from the pulpit. In just two weeks, people from my congregation gave me over $700! And I go to a small church with a lot of working-class people! God is so good!!!
I prayed that God would give me a peace about travelling. I am somewhat nervous about flying to Quito (from Philly, through Atlanta) by myself. I have never done this before. However, I am a 23 year old woman with God on my side. What could possibly happen to me??
Please pray for me. Please pray for the mission team, and for the hearts of the people who will be receiving our care. And please pray that God will be glorified in all that I say and do.
Praise the Name of Yeshua, my King.

100 percent (BJ's story)

2009-04-11T21:17:00.004-04:00

I'm reading a book called "I would die for you" by the parents of BJ Higgins, a kid who had an incredable passion for Christ. The book both encouraged me and convicted me. The Lord used his story to point out my lack of passion in sharing Christ and growing in my relationship with God.
I found the book a couple days ago at a local Christian book store hidden among some big-name authors and well-known reading materal (at least among the Christian community). I had never heard of BJ Higgins. When I read the book, which included excerpts from his journals and blog postings, I was amazed that a kid so young could have such a deep grasp on God. He was sold out to Christ. He had a fiery desire to serve God wholeheartedly...to the point of death. On a mission trip to Peru, he contracted an infection that destroyed his body, but not his soul. The Lord called him home in 2005 at age 15. Had I known about BJ when he was alive on earth, I would have liked to meet him. Now, I'll have to wait until heaven. It's ok, though. There is plenty of work to do down here.
Finding BJ's book at the store was very timely because I am going on my first mission trip in just one week--a medical mission to Ecuador with the CMDA. Being a very new nurse, I am a little apprehensive about serving with a medical team in Ecuador. And after reading about the conditions BJ encountered in Peru (which is right next to Ecuador), I am a little nervous. BUT, God is good. There is nothing that I will encounter that will be out of the Lord's control. Nothing.
I am praying that the Lord will continue to Spiritually prepare me for this upcoming trip. I am praying that I will be surrendered to whatever He wants for me, and that I will be 100% sold out for Him. Throwing off everything that hinders, and the sin that so easily entangles. Lord, help me run with perseverence....the race that was marked out for me.
Praise God.

God...MY God.

2009-03-22T23:15:00.003-04:00

Baruch ha Shem Yeshua ha Meshiach. Baruch ha Shem Adonai. Baruch Ha Shem et Adonai, Melech Yisrael. Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha olam. Baruch ha Shem.... Baruch ha Shem YHVH.

Bless the name of Yeshua the Messiah. Bless the Name of the Lord. Bless the name of God, King of Israel. Praise be to You, God, our God, Ruler of the universe. Bless the Name... Bless the name of Yahweh.

random CO pics

2009-03-17T23:59:00.007-04:00

A deer. Or elk. Or whatever.

Ahhhh. A beautiful sight for sore eyes from the pancake state.

Me and mom at the country club.

boarding in CO: take 2

2009-03-17T19:47:00.004-04:00

It may not look that impressive, but trust me... I was going fast.

Snowboarding at Copper Mountain in Colorado. There are not many other things that I'd rather be doing.

The day before the wedding, my younger siblings and I, Abu the best man, and a kid named Sam from Iowa, decided to treck to the mountains to squeeze in a day of snowboarding. I mean... it's CO. You have to go snowboarding while you are here. Anyways, the day was absolutely perfict. And when I say perfict, I mean: aprox. 35 degrees, sunny, little to no wind, no precipitation, and the nicest powdered snow that you could ever imagine. Perfict. My sister and I stayed mostly on the greens to practice our technique, while my brother, Abu, and Sam ran off to the harder greens and blues. I worked on my toe-heel edge S curves-- specifically narrowing my curves and learning to handle speed. I did pretty ok. My last run was the worst though. It was a hard course, intermixing greens with blues, with an extremely long and steep hill near the bottom. I was really tired. I basically snowplowed that run on my heels, not even having the strength to switch to toe-edge. My brother Aduma would be mad to see that. But... he was back home preparing for a wedding of sorts.

All in all it was a great day. I had not expected another chance to snowboard before the end of the season, so a suprise trip to Copper was wonderful! I cannot wait until next season to pick up where I left off!!

GWEoP'09

2009-03-17T19:07:00.009-04:00

The Great Wedding Extravaganza of Power presents:

Mr. Aduma & Mrs. Becky

as husband and wife on 3.14.2009.

the new addition to the family

2009-03-17T18:18:00.003-04:00

**News Flash**
I have a new sister! She's older than me, but not too old. Only 25 I think. She's everything I ever wanted in an older sister...and more! God is so good. He blessed my bro, Aduma, with an amazing wife. I am so happy. They were married in beautiful Colorado on Pi day. She was so beautiful. He was so hansome. They were so in love. And still are, I'm guessing. They're on their honeymoon now. I have no idea where that is.

As for other news, nothing much has changed. I'm still looking for a job, but God is really helping me to not be anxious about it. It's a growing process. With each passing month being essentially unemployed, the Lord is teaching me how to rely in Him. How to trust in His unfailing love. His perfict plan.

Jeremiah 29:11-13: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

That's a promise. I choose to trust in that promise and all the other promises God has given in His Word over anything that this life, this world, has thrown at me.

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge." -Psalm 62:5-8

I have a potential opportunity with Kent General Hospital, a facility about an hour south of here in Dover. It seems to be a bone hanging on a string from a stick just out of reach in front of my face. Everything seems perfict except for the distance. An hour away means a new car and/or relocation. An hour away means difficulties getting to church and Bible Study in Newark.

What exactly is the Lord's plan again???

"I'll take your $20!"

2009-02-05T10:29:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I feel stupid about not being able to find a job. Yeah, I know we are in a recession, but I'm a nurse for goodness-sakes. Nurses aren't supposed to have this problem.
Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough to find a job, so people think that I'm slacking. That isn't true for the most part. I've been diligently searching for a job. For example, I contacted one hospital multipul times, and I didn't let up until they said WE DON'T WANT YOU. That's all I ever hear: We don't have a position open; We want someone with more experiance; We have a hiring freeze; We are cutting back; We are laying off people. WE DON'T NEED YOU.
Nobody does. Even with the least of all RN jobs, I am finding competition.
It doesn't help that all my peers are working at their big name hospitals. ChristianaCare, Yale, John Hopkins, etc.
Why me? Why could I only find one job in a lousy nursing home? PRN at that!? They cut all my shifts! ALL OF THEM!
I'm kinda confused. God wanted me to be a nurse. He got me through school, He got me through clinicals, and He got me through the Boards. Only to...what? Allow me to be unemployed for months on end?
It doesn't make sense. Not at all. So I'm confused.

I'm not angry...just a little frustrated I guess. But I feel better now that I got all that off my chest. I'm really anxious to know that my God has up His sleeve. I don't doubt Him or His plan. I don't question His Word or His promises. He is in control, and that is good enough for me. I am His vessel. May He do with me as He sees fit.

reminising about FL

2009-01-30T14:26:00.008-05:00

Ahh Florida. I am reminising about when the Boy and I went to Sarasota, FL in April of Last year. We met strange and cool people, saw wild things, and got pumped up. I got terribly burned on my legs, but it didnt matter. We went swimming in the ocean, and in a pool. We worked in a clothes closet and in a food pantry. We walked among, and talked to the homeless.
We gave the homeless food for the tummies and food for their souls. We got spiritually fed ourselves.

WE DIED TO SIN; HOW CAN WE LIVE IN IT ANY LONGER? -Romans 6:2

That was random. I do too many things at once, and think about too many things at the same time.

AAAAAHHHH, Florida.

1st degree burns on legs.

Prayers and Prophecies.

Wildly crazy people.

Amazing testimonies.

Whole foods.

Worship.

Living life to it's fullest.

Living life in Christ.

choices, changes

2009-01-30T13:47:00.002-05:00

Alot has been happening to me lately.

1.) I basically do not have a job. Ok. This might not be a new thing, but my three shifts I was supposed to work next month got cut to...zero. Yes, I am still employed to NMNH doing 'substitute nursing,' but no, I am not working at all, and therefore not getting any experience or pay. Yeah. Not so fun.

2.) I just joined a gym! Totally excited. It's the 1614 in Newark. I did a couple trial workouts, and love it there. What's better is that I'm only paying $37 a month, rather than the full price of $58 because my brother works out there. That's a $21 knock-off a month! What a blessing.

3.) My worship team at church is going through changes. My worship leader is taking an extended break, so basically, it's me playing the piano, and another lady singing. Not exactly the way I like it, but it's God stretching me. Somehow, a year and a half after leading worship at SNA, I find myself in the exact same position. I will definitly be doing things differently this time. I will hate leading worship before I give it up to someone. No false prophets are going to take lead of anything in this church. Never. I refuse. God is giving me a rare second chance, and I will do things right. No mistakes this time. None. I am serious about this. SNA went down in flames, but I expect God to do amazing things in CCN if I continue to be obedient.

4.) Revival is just around the corner. Things are starting to happen on the campus and within our church. Things are speeding up, opportunities are arising, doors are opening. God is on the move. According to prophecies given, Revival is due to hit this area around May. Maybe sooner, maybe later. And the evidence of this pending revival has been happening and is still happening at a greater rate then ever before. Exciting!

YAY Jesus

raising the roof

2009-01-26T13:29:00.003-05:00

So, I went to a Chris Tomlin/Israel Houghton & New Breed concert on Saturday night in Baltimore, and it was A-mazing. When Chris sang Amazing Grace, My Chains are Gone, I was almost on the floor.
The thing I really liked about this concert was that the bands set out to create a spirit of worship from the get-go. Bearly any fluffy stuff. All praise songs and hymns. And Chris Tomlin quoted alot of Scripture and brought all Glory to God. That is what I like to hear from a Christian band. No fluff. Just 100% full-blown, roof-raising, totally awesome praise. To the one and only God, of course.

GSEoP'09

2009-01-20T19:59:00.006-05:00

Snowboarding in Colorado was amazing to say the least.

I could not believe the amazing scenery; the vast display of mountains and hills that were present in this amazing area of the country. And being in this area even more-so created a delight and awe in an intellegent Creator. What an amazing God He is.

Snowboarding was awesome. I worked very hard to develope a first functional, then nearly comfortable toe-edge. Then I worked on my S-curves, switching from heal to toe in a less choppy, smoother manner. It took alot of work, but I started getting the hang of it by the second day. This was evidenced by my endevour to perform on a Blue Square.

My little brother encouraged me to take a chance and try a Blue Square for the first time ever. He was with me every step of the way. Cool guy. Anywho, I made it down on the hill (not the lift), and I am extremely proud of myself. Other than the Blue, I performed 5 Green Circles that day. A huge feat for an out-of-shape Delawareian 11-thousand feet above sea level. (My point: Oxygen was scarce).

The other great thing about the snowboarding trip was that I got to see people I hadn't seen in a while. I also got to meet new people.
I got to hang with my brother and my future sister-in-law, which was equally amazing, because I do admire both of them. They planned a four-day trip for 21 people which included all meals, housing, and transportation (not to mention the snowboarding part of it). Amazing.

I love CO. I want to move there someday.
Of course, this does not matter one way or another, because what I want isn't important whatsoever.
What I want should be what God wants.
I hope God wants CO someday.... ;)

Jesus Rocks

blueberry scones & a proper cup of tea

2009-01-10T17:54:00.005-05:00

I've gone to more tea parties this past year then ever before. That's what I get for having a pastor's wife who loves dolls, lace and European tea houses.
That sort of stuff isn't my "cup of tea" so to speak, but I rather enjoyed myself when I went to the British Bell Tea House this afternoon. I had a Green Tea flavoured Strawberry Creme and six little sandwiches cut in triangles with the crusts chopped off. And, of course, what is a tea without a scone. It was actually chocolate chip...not blueberry. Blueberry just looked more dantier in the title. I had blueberry jam and a light whipped creme on my scone. It was very danty. There were lots of lace and flowers at the tea house. Very danty indeed.
Sometime in the middle of our Afternoon Tea, I told the six other ladies that the Boy was going to bring me to a shooting range for my birthday. That got a reaction.

vim & vinegar

2009-01-09T20:05:00.003-05:00

Her name is Paisley, but she should have been called Trouble.

My sister and I got a new kitten (for our dad's bday) two months ago. My sister named her Paisley after Brad Paisley the Country star.
She is the most active little thing I have ever seen. She runs and jumps, and runs into things constantly. She chases things that move and things that don't move. She constantly annoys our other two cats who are both 12 years old. She is a bundle of trouble and joy mixed together in one rapidly-growing fluff ball. She eats constantly, and she is always thirsty. She drinks out of people's glasses and the toilet when she gets a chance. She also sneezes alot. I think she has allergies.
She wants to go outside like a fat kid wants cake. However, we are wise to wait until she is fixed before we allow her to proceed on her outdoor adventures. Keeping her in the house hasn't been easy.
She likes to stretch out as long as possible when she sleeps. She becomes three cat lengths when she is stretched out.
She also likes to dig around in my dad's grapefruit tree pot that we keep indoors during the winter. She gets dirt from the pot everywhere on the hardwood floors.
During Christmastime, she loved to climb up our Christmas tree and sit there. She would either fall asleep, or play with whatever ornaments were within her reach. Too bad we are taking the tree down tomorrow.
She likes to climb on the table and investigate your meal while you are eating. She can be a very bad cat at times.
She is so cute though. You cannot help but love her.
Paisley.

The Sermon...

2009-01-05T20:51:00.004-05:00

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kins of evel against you because of me.
Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Matthew 5:3-12

winter wanderings & whimsical wishes

2009-01-05T19:33:00.016-05:00

This past weekend, I went to Coudersport, PA with the Boy for a ski/snowboarding and church adventure. It was fabulous. We went to Denton Hill on Saturday. It was somewhat icy, but I was still excited for the opportunity to snowboard again after nearly a year. I did ok, but I stayed on my heels alot and unfortunatly did a great deal of snowplowing (which I hated!). My toe edge skill is still highly underdeveloped. Something I will have to work on at GSEoP. (10 days and counting!!!)

On Sunday, we went to Gospel Tabernacle, a church in which the Boy's uncle is the pastor. Pastor Minor preached, and that was amazing, of course. And right accross the street, someone was selling a military transport vehicle from the 70's for only $4,800. I fell in love with it instantly. The Boy graciously allowed me to climb around in the thing to satisfy my uncontrolable desire for ownership.

change in my life

2008-12-31T18:57:00.003-05:00

So things are changing just a little bit for me at this time in my life.

I'm single and I just turned 23, which by 1940's standards would label me an old maid, I have a PRN RN job at the nursing home, which is nice because it's a great environment, but it doesn't offer a steady paycheck, my older brother is getting married to a totally awesome girl he found, and I got a new ipod for Christmas (green, of course), which my technically-impaired self still can't figure out how to put stuff on it.

Other than that, the same. The Boy and I are planning to go to Coudersport this weekend in which he is dead set on skiing, and I will attempt snowboarding if the opportunity presents itself. Keyword: Attempt. His uncle is a pastor of a church up there called Gospel Tabernacle, and we are excited to hear him preach.

I'm still plugging along, starting my career, figuring out stuff about God and life. I'm still so young, but life is so short. I've got so much work to do....

Why Study End-Times Prophecy?

2008-11-26T20:01:00.005-05:00

Many Christians today don’t feel the need to study what the Bible teaches about the end times since they know that, in the end, God wins. Yet, contrary to this popular view, there are many reasons to know the details. Here are 10. **

They’re part of God’s Word. It’s been estimated that up to a third of the Bible is prophecy. Over 300 detailed prophecies were fulfilled at Christ’s first coming. Many more await fulfillment at His second coming. If we’re truly students of God’s Word, then we’ll be students of the prophecies. As the apostle Paul told his young disciple Timothy: “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16).

They prove that the Bible is God’s Word. Only God could know minute details of what would happen to individuals, cities and nations thousands of years in advance. When people see the end-times prophecies being fulfilled, they’ll have solid reason to put their faith in the God of the Bible. Jesus spoke of the apologetic value of prophecy when He said, “Now I have told you before it happens, so that when it happens you may believe” (John 14:29).

Jesus gave us signs of His second coming and commanded us to watch for their fulfillments. (Matthew 24, Mark 13, Luke 21)

God promises a special blessing for those who study the end times: “Blessed is he who reads and those who hear the words of the prophecy, and heed the things which are written in it; for the time is near” (Revelation 1:3, see also 22:7).

They prepare us for what’s coming. Contrary to the pretribulational rapture teaching, the prophecies reveal that Christians will have to go through a time of terrible persecution by the Antichrist (Matthew 24:21-22, Mark 13:19-20, Revelation 6:9-11, 7:14, 13:7-10 and 15, 14:12-13). Knowledge of this will help us prepare mentally and spiritually.

They help protect us against spiritual deception. The Bible warns that false prophets will precede the coming of the Antichrist, and many professing Christians will follow them. End-times prophecies show us what to watch out for. (Matthew 24:24-26, Mark 13:21-22, 2 Thessalonians 2:3, Revelation 13:11-18)

They increase our worship of God. Christians who see prophecies fulfilled before their eyes will marvel at His sovereignty over the nations and the power of His unseen hand.

They give us strategy for ministry. Like the men of Issachar who understood the times and drew up their battle plans accordingly, Christians who have insight into the end times will have knowledge for spiritual battle (1 Chronicles 12:32).

They give comfort, encouragement and hope. When the time of tribulation comes, those who see the prophecies will know they only to have to endure for a limited time.

They stir us to evangelism, good works and holy living. Reflecting on the end times frees us from a careless, temporal perspective (Titus 2:11-13). Those who are alive during their fulfillment will have an increased urgency to share the gospel while there is still time.

** obtained from: http://www.fulfilledprophecy.com/

big

2008-11-26T19:38:00.004-05:00

Ok, so I'm just thinking out-loud here. Work with me. Pleez.

There's this God. He's the Creator of everything. He's big, He's powerful, He's awesome. He's incomprehensable. He's the controller of all things. One word from Him could snuff this planet out. Galaxy. Universe.

In addition, He pays attention to fine details. He cares about the smallest things. Something like a sprained thumb or a D on an exam or being regected by a crush shouldn't matter to God, the God of the Universe. The Creator. The King of kings. The Lord of all.

But He cares. Why? How. There are so many people and even more needs. So many thoughts, prayers, pleas, cries, feelings for Him to deal with.
How the heck does He do it???

He's God. That's how. Plain and simple. No other way.

There's more out there. I just know it. All my knowledge and experience of God has only scratched the surface.

And the Bible....what an amazing book! I've almost read it all the way through...sorta. But that's just scratching the surface too!

My question is this. How can I live and be so caught up in the things of this world, if God, who is not of this world, is so much bigger and better and more powerful and greater than this world?

How can I have such narrow vision?

I think wayyyy to much :)

handcuffs from heaven

2008-11-14T16:17:00.004-05:00

Ok, so... I know this post is late, but I'm trying to catch up.
God has been doing alot lately. I mean, He always does alot, but I feel like I'm seeing so much more.

So, at the beginning of October, God gave me the idea to be a convict for halloween. Now, I haven't participated in holloween since I was in eighth grade--you know, the dressing up, going out and getting candy thing. (Although I did go to one party when I was in college--but I had gone with a motive to witness....didn't really work out). I mean, it's a pagan holiday with satanic roots. Why would I celebrate that? But there's nothing wrong with taking advantage of it? Is there? Hey...if there is an opportunity to dress up and hit the street with a godly purpose, count me in! So I got my orange convict costume with INMATE printed on the back, and my friend (who was to be the judge) got his costume. I was only lacking one thing: handcuffs. Possibly the most important part of the costume. I told God from the get-go: "I don't want one of those cheap plastic gray pairs. I want a pair that looks real." And I waited for God to provide that for me.

Now, there is a difference between actively waiting and passively waiting. It is important when you are waiting on God, to do your part. He is not the big Santa Claus in the sky. I was actively waiting. While I was waiting for God to provide for me a pair of real-looking handcuffs, I went to about 3 halloween shops, Salvation Army, Goodwill, the Mall, Wall-mart, the Five and Dime, and the Dollar Store to look for real-looking fake handcuffs. No such luck. I found many pairs of cheap fake-looking cuffs, but no real-looking cuffs.

However, a few days before Halloween, I was talking to a good friend. Her dad happened to have real cuffs, and graciously allowed me to borrow them.
Real handcuffs are totally awesome. Trust me.

So, the Boy and I were able to go out on Main St. on halloween, hand out tracts and try to tell people about being a prisoner to sin, and being judged by a Holy Righteous Judge. God's hand was definitely in that.
Thank you Jesus!

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." ~Ephesians 3:20-21

If God can get me real handcuffs when I asked for fake ones, I am only wondering what kind of job He will provide for me. :)

deb mitchell, RN

2008-11-14T16:06:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I'm sorta a nurse now, but it's not doing much for me. I'm searching for a job, but finding one that I'm even halfway qualified for is a major feat. Man, I should just join the military. Nah. Can't do that. God's not in that decision. I'm praying that the Lord will show me exactly where He wants me to work. I do have a preference (temporary) though. Student Health Services. On campus. Dude... do you know what that would mean?? I would have contact with scores of UD students all day long! What a great opportunity to continue my ministry on campus! I sent my resume to the place, but they didn't contact me back yet. So, it's just the waiting game. My folks are kinda mad at me because I let the ChristianaCare Medical Nurse Internship slip through my fingers. It wasn't exactly my fault...I didn't know when the deadline was. I tried to respond to the posting in a timely manner...just not timely enough I guess. Hey....God opens doors and closes them. I'm cool with that. I just hope and pray my lack of urgancy in the job situation doesn't cause more doors to be closed then should be.
So, God got me through that exam. A miracle to say the least. No, I'm serious. Somehow, He gave me the will to study my brains out for the thing. The he calmed every nerve, and I didn't even come close to having a panic attack. How great He is! Then I went to the place, took the test, remember a whole bunch of stuff, and finished in 3 hours. I passed that test with flying colors. I want to say it was like God Himself took that exam. I went home knowing (yet not officially) I was an RN. God gave me confidence that I cannot explain. Whoa. And here I am. An RN. Oh my word, I am a Registered Nurse. Holy cow!
Yup. But now the job search is sortof going nowhere. But that's ok. As long as I do my part, Christ will do His. It's for His glory. :)

"...and don't think you'll find some Macgyver way to get outta here!"*

2008-10-09T00:12:00.005-04:00

*Theodore Bagwell to Michael Scofield in Prison Break (s.4, ep.7)

dude, I gotta stop doing this... staying up this late I mean.

Ok, so, the other night I went to see this movie at the theater in Ppl's Plza... and I went by myself at 10pm. Yeah. That was fun. And there were like, 4 other people in the cinema. All kids my age or a little younger. (Couldn't have been too young--it was a rated R movie). Anywayzzz....
The movie I went to see was called Blindness, and I went mostly to 'see' (haha...ok moron, get on with it) what the movie had to offer from a medical perspective. Besides some nudity (which I've seen before), and a couple somewhat explicit sex scenes (which I haven't), there wasn't much that the movie had to offer in the medical genre.
But the spiritual impact the movie had on me was astounding.

Yeah, I'm super weird, but pleez...lemme explain myself...if I may.
The movie poses the hypothetical senerio of what if the everyone in the world went blind? Well, we would be desperate, to say the least. We would be trying to depend on:
1.) ourselves, dispite the fact that we are newly blinded, and have no training or guidance of any kind, and
2.) other people who are in the exact same position as us.

What I'm trying to say is, our world is exactly like this hypothetical world in the movie.
Check out Revelation 3:17 about the church of Laodicea: "You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked."
I would use these terms to describe the people I saw in the movie Blindness. They were poor. They had no food. Actually, they were so desperate that they would exchange sex for food. They were wretched, pitiful, and some of them were quite literally naked. All this was caused by the fact that they went blind.
Whoa! How true is it in this world!!??

The church of Laodicea was an actual church, but this particular church also symbolized the unsaved church. They were lukewarm. Neither hot nor cold. And Christ was so fed up with them that He was about to just spit them out (verse 15-16). But even though they were disgraceful in every way, Jesus still loved them. In verse 20, He pleaded with them to open the door of their hearts and let Him in.

Before we are saved, before we come to know Christ in a personal way, we are exactly like the people in this movie. We think we can see, but we actually are blind to the truth. We are poor, although we think we are rich. We are wretched and pitiful. We are naked. We try to lead each other around, but we get nowhere fast. We are confined to this world. There is no escape. We are desperate, wreched, lonely, damned individuals. There is no hope.

We are totally dependent on the one person who can save us from our desperate situation. That person is Jesus Christ.

Yes, yes, I got all this from a movie. Would I recommend the movie? Um... maybe. But you can reap just as much insight, if not a whole heck of a lot more by reading the Bible ;)

yay Jesus!

Harvest Crusade '08

2008-10-06T18:19:00.003-04:00

Dude, sooooo awesome.
Ok, so the Harvest Crusade was this past weekend in Philly, and I went all three nights. It was totally amazing. In all there were more than 3,300 decisions for Christ made. I got to see amazing bands like MercyMe, Katinas, tobyMac, Kutless, and Jeremy Camp! It was so awesome. Greg Laurie gave the gospel message every night, but focused on different things each night. Saturday night, he focused on Hell, and how those who do not repent and follow Jesus Christ will spend eternity there.

Last night (Sunday), was the best night though. Worship was absolutely amazing. Greg talked about this Pharisee guy named Nicodemus in John 3 who came to Jesus at night. Nico kinda hinted that he thought Jesus might be the Messiah, the One whom the prophets foretold, but he didn't want to outright say it. It was a huge deal for the Jews to label someone the Messiah.
Jesus answered, telling him that a man cannot see the kingdom of God unless he is born again, meaning being born of the spirit (v. 8).
Nico was a bit puzzled at this, and Jesus tried to simplify it saying, "Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, so that everyone believes in him may have eternal life" (v.14-15).
Jesus continued with the presentation of the gospel with the well-known verse, John 3:16: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not parish but have eternal life."

Greg Laurie gave the gospel message, and a whole bunch of people came down to the floor to accept or recommit their lives to Jesus. I got to talk to a couple of young teenage girls on Saturday night, and an older woman last night. I even prayed with the woman last night. It was awesome. I'm totally stoked. I have some great ideas for ministry and evangelism here in Newark. The one thing that I do have some trouble with is talking to people on the streets. It's not easy, but it's a great spiritual exercise, as well as a fulfillment of Christ's command of the Great Commission in Mark 16.

revive us

2008-09-03T15:04:00.003-04:00

Will You not revive us again,
that your people may rejoice in You?
Show us Your unfailing love, O Lord.
You have shown us Your favor;
You have turned away Your anger.
Show us Your unfailing love, O Lord,
and grant us Your salvation.

-from Revive by Greg Silverman 2005

aprons from heaven

2008-09-01T11:55:00.006-04:00

Yesturday was amazing. We had the freshman BBQ outreach at CCN. We had been planning it for months. The Boy had been planning it for years. We were not disappointed. Many kids and parents came to the BBQ. We gave out bags filled with stuff (shampoo, notebook, pencils, Bible, chick tract etc...), as well as hotdogs, hamburgers, chips and water. All of these were free. It was a blessing to see my church, Calvary Chaple of Newark, pull together and donate items, time, money, and effort to make the BBQ a success. Although the real "secret of the success" was that God was the center of it. I told people, "We arn't advertising our church per sae; we are advertising JESUS."
Aprons, yes. You are probably wondering about the title of this blog. This is not a huge deal, but it is worth noting, because I know it was the work of God. I got the church at about 8:45am (worship team practice starts at about 9:15, so I was early). As I was getting out of the car, one of the guys in my church runs around the building towards me yelling, "Look what we found!" The guy had found two aprons in the front yard of the church. They were clean, white and folded, yet someone (I guess) had been throwing them away, and happened to throw them into our church yard on the the day of the BBQ???? It was perfict, because no one remembered to get aprons for the guys who were manning the huge grill. God just thinks of everything.
That's not the only thing that happened yesturday. I was talking to a friend of mine who is from Calvary Baptist SNA. He's an old guy, but he's really cool, and I used to do Worship with him before I left SNA. He saw me at the BBQ and stopped to talk. He told me that his son, who had been in drugs for a long time and was currently in prison, had just gotten saved and was on FIRE for CHRIST! I said, "What!!??" I knew this guy's son to some extent, and I had prayed occasionally for him. This was the last thing I had expected. I had pretty much given up hope for this guy. I was like, "Whoa! Praise God!"
At the BBQ, I got to talk to alot of people. I was talking to two Chinese kids, and they were asking me questions about God and Christians. Needless to say, I got my pastor to go talk to them. He talked to them for a while, presented the Gospel, and gave them a lot to think about. They left after a while, but I think they might come back.
I talked to one girl for a while. She had green hair, dark makeup, and steriotypical "punk" cloths. She was probably between the age of my two younger siblings. I watched as she lit up a cigerette and told me that she was currently homeless. My friend Kristin and I talked to this girl for a while. When I asked what she believed, she told me that she was a pegan. An ancient religion, actually, she said, older than Judaism, Christianity, or Islam. We talked about religion, Christians, the Bible, and life after death. She is firm in her beliefs, and of course I wasn't pushy on mine. That never works. She did read the chick tract though. She also made fun of it. But at least she read it. It's all about planting the seeds. God does the watering. I hope and pray she will be back.
From 10:30 to midnight, the Boy and I took a tour of UD's campus, while the tour guides related some history and ghost stories of the campus. I've always been sensitive to the supernatural, so I got really scared. The Boy prayed for me in the car for a little while, but it wasn't helping that much. I knew the Lord wanted me to pray. He wanted me to take to focus of myself and put it on Him. I started thanking God for His blessings at the BBQ. Then, like a wellspring, His spirit filled me. I started praying with power and authority for the campus, the Christians on campus, the kids we met at the BBQ and so on. I rebuked the demons who were trying to scare me in the name of Jesus. My fear left, and soul was filled with a different ghost--the Holy Ghost!
Ok, this sounds weird, but it's hard to type what happened and what I felt. I prayed for about 15-20 minutes I think. It was powerful. The Boy was blown away. I was excited.

Baruch Hashem Adonai

Radical

2008-08-26T11:56:00.003-04:00

Another beautiful day. Perfict, actually (for delaware at least). I think I'm planning to go to a nice coffee shop again today on Main St. to study the Word and my Nursing material. I did that yesturday, and it worked pretty well. I didn't get to talk to anyone about my faith yet, but I'm hoping the Lord will open up opportunities. I'm tired of being a selfish, lazy Christian. It's time to get fired up for the Lord! Radical!

strong hold

2008-08-25T11:56:00.003-04:00

Day 11 of being stuck at home trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life. My parents sat me down for yet another interrogation last night. I feel stuck. And my parents just don't understand. Every time I venture to express my feelings and perhaps seek some advice from my all-too-wise parents, it turns into a bad idea. So, I'm just keeping things to myself...which of course they don't like.
So, This is me, Deb, floating through life, simply existing right now. No plan; no purpose. Surviving rather than thriving.
I am trusting God, but each passing day is harder. Sometimes I just don't want to get up in the morning. And I'm bored, but I'm avoiding the things I know I should be doing.
Seems like I need a healthy dose of discipline. Something that, for me, is extremely difficult to aquire. Just do it! Yeah, well, I wish it were that easy. Motivation is definitly something that I struggle with. Appathy sets in quickly and starts attacking ferociously.
And.... my will to persevere decreases rapidly.
Christ is my only stronghold. Where would I be without Him?
Dead, probably.
Without my God, there would truly be no point in going on.

Now that I am done my self-pity rant, I need to turn all focus to the ONE who has saved me from phyisical, spiritual, and eternal death. HE alone has power over the world and the evil forces that inhabit it. HE alone could save me by sacrificing Himself for my wrong-doings. And HE alone is to be exhalted.

May hasatan, the enemy be crushed under the feet of the Savior, Yeshua forever. he is so small and insignificant. he lies and cheats for his gain. may he be damned soon and very soon.

I will praise His holy name, for He alone is worthy of all praise.
He is my protector, provider and salvation.
May He be my First Love. For now and until eternity.
Baruch Ha Shem Yeshua Ha Meshach, bless the name of the Messiah, Jesus.

yeah. I'm strange. but being radical for Christ is alot more fun then being appathetic ;)

"Lieutenant, what's the cape for?"

2008-08-22T14:30:00.004-04:00

"I am Captain Cab!" ~Murdock to Hannabal (The A-Team s.2, e.7)

Another beautiful day. God is good, I'm alive, and things couldn't get any better. For those of you who know my current predicament, I am truly not being sarcastic. I just know that the Lord is faithful and He knows what's best. I've just got to be obedient to Him and wait on Him.
The whole truth is, I failed the boards and I was forced to resign from my nursing home job because I am unqualified to perform as a Graduate Nurse. I also got rejected from the hospital I recently applied to. Because I don't have a job, things are kinda slow. I'm working on taking another NCLEX prep course, and I'm trying to decide what to do about applying to hospitals, and which ones to apply to. I've also been praying, spending time in the Word, and doing some much-needed cleaning in my house. I'm also meeting with all the friends that I didn't get to see this past semester, and I'm also co-planning the outreach that my church is having for incoming freshmen on August 31.
I'm jobless, and I'm about to loose the use of a car when my sister comes home from camp, but life is good. Being thrown in situations like this really causes you to rely on the only One who can truly provide peace. May all glory be granted to my God.

chapter 7

2008-08-20T16:17:00.003-04:00

People tell me, "Oh, you are starting a new chapter in life!"
Well, I feel like someone ripped out the page, crumpled it up, stepped on it, then ran it through a shredder. Ok, maybe not that extreme.
Well anyway, I feel like I took my first step out into the 'real world', and I fell flat on my face. Nice one, Deb.

While all my friends and peers have their high paying jobs at their big-name hospitals with the stupid letters RN tacked onto the end of their names, I am actually unemployed. Yup. I said it. I quit my nursing home job...well actually I was forced to quit, but that's another story.

The point is, Last night I was ushered into a forced interrogation by my (well-meaning, I'm sure) parents who demanded that I tell them everything that's going on with my life. Ok, so I screwed up a little. I can work it out. I'm capable. Don't they see that?

gravidity

2008-08-11T17:21:00.002-04:00

I just got back from one of my favorite places in the whole wide world called Camp Spofford. Unfortunitly it was raining most of the week I was up there, but I did get in my annual skiing fix (water skiing of course...I don't do snow skiing.)

***Snowboarding rules :)***

I regreted to leave Spofford, but I know I've got work here to do.
Studying for the boards, getting ready for the college outreach, and working on growing in my relationship with my God.
I am also trying to find a job. This may prove difficult since my last potential did not work out.

God will make a way, no doubt.

The Lord is good, Amen? He is so good. He is faithful and true. The Boy and I had a long talk with our pastor last night. Great guy. And his wife is a wonderful cook. We talked about everything from gold panning to the Scriptures to Israel to the end times to marriage.
I think about marriage sometimes. I wonder if the Lord actually wants me to get married. I want to get married and have kids, but what does the Lord want? And what about the man? Who will it be? Will I know I am supposed to marry him when I meet him? Will he know he's supposed to marry me?

What if he wants to marry me and I don't want to marry him? Am I picky?

Whatever. I know the Lord has a plan. I just wish I was up at Spofford instead of studying for the boards. That would make me perfictly happy.

Psalm 32:8

2008-08-01T15:30:00.003-04:00

Okayy so,
I'm sorta jobless.
Back to SQUARE 1.
Not sure what this means.

"Hey... You've got your porch lights on..."

2008-07-30T23:20:00.004-04:00

I just got home from an evening shift at the nursing home. I had to give 3 suppositories (I'd never given one before). If you don't know what a suppository is, don't ask.

One of the residents on 2nd floor died. I was passing meds on the 3rd floor at the time, so me and my nurse ran down at the time of death. My nurse, who is a wonderful instructor, made me take vitals on the resident, who had just died minutes prior. "Yes," I confirmed in my official Graduate Nurse voice, "he is dead." I mean, he even looked dead. One way to confirm death is to flash a light into the pupils and see if they constrict. I looked into those eyes, and I got creeped out. That was an interesting experience.

I gave my co-worker a Bible yesturday. It was great, except she didn't know anything about the Bible, so I said start with the Gospel of John. I probably won't see her for another half of a month (I'm going on vacation again, and right after is the Boards), so I will be anxious to see if she read any of it.

Speaking of the Boards...well, I don't even like thinking about it.

Speaking of vacation, I am totally stoked because both my brothers are coming up to NH. And, since it's one of my most favoritest places on earth and my whole family will be there, I will be soooo happy.

Today I watched an online sermon from Dr. Charles Stanley about God using us. God really spoke to me through that. He hit some things that I have been struggling with this summer. I thank God for that.

I worry about nonchristians. I worry about those who don't know Jesus. I don't know why, but I cannot comprehend what it is like to live without Christ. I would be miserable. And I already get miserable when my Spiritual life is not up to par. How much worse it would be if I wasn't saved!

Thank you Jesus!

Anybody know how to fix a karioke machine?

2008-07-08T21:55:00.003-04:00

Day 2 of being an official Graduate Nurse at Newark Manor Nursing Home.
It went very well. I counted narcs, admined meds & eyedrops, gave an Abuterol + Pulmacort neb tx, passed meds through a PEG tube and fed residents. No shots today. No falls. One--no, two blood pressures. Thats it. Pretty light.

I still haven't called NCLEX yet. Don't want to. The Boy has been coming over and reviewing nursing stuff with me. We're working on the psych material presently.

In other news, I found out that 8 is the number for new beginnings. The year 2008 on the Christian calander, and the year 5768 on the Jewish calander both indicate that this will be a year for new beginnings. Namely, revival. We (the Boy and I...and I'm sure others on campus) hope and pray.

After being at the Messianic conference for a week, the Boy has come up with a brilliant new plan to help bring on the pending revival. It is actually quite simple. Romans 1:16 says: " I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile."

The Boy's idea (God-inspired, no doubt): Go first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. The Jews are in many ways ignored by the Christian community. Meaning, pray for ways to bless them, then when the opportunity presents itself, share Messiah with them.

I will admit, I know from first-hand experience that Jews are somewhat difficult to witness to. However, the Lord said to Abram: "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you: I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all the peoples of the earth will be blessed through you." (Genesis 12:2-3). As a slight side note, this verse alone refutes any idea of Replacement Theology because the God of Abram would not break a cov't with His people, or He would not be a Trustworthy GOD. This being said, there is in fact a need to--in love--witness to the Jews that Yeshua is Messiah.

Witness to the Jews. The Boy's foolproof plan. This doesn't mean ignore Gentiles. Not by a long shot. History has shown that when one Jew believes, a number of Gentiles get thrown in for free. The passion of Jewish Believer is unbelievable.

08. The year of new beginnings.

woot.

Praise Jesus.

God is good.

2008-07-02T21:49:00.003-04:00

Work at 6am...should be in bed. What else is new?

The Boy is gone all week at the Massianic Conference in Harrisburg (a conference for Massianic Jews). Oh boy, do I envy him! He calls me every day to update on what's been happening. He has to water everything he says down so I don't go off the deep end in jealousy. I wish I were there.

I got my ATT. This means that I can call the place up and set up an appointment to take the NCLEX. I am not ready. Not by a long shot.

God is good. I cannot express that enough. Is this what living life to the full really means? I have peace, except for the intermittent twinges of nervousness about the boards and beyond. I feel loved by God and a desire to grow in Him. I feel a love for His people, and a desire to spread His word to the unsaved.

God is good.

Even when times are rough, may we still remember this simple phrase.

Baruch Hashem Adonai

I love Jesus.

2008-06-29T00:51:00.001-04:00

See above. Nuff said.

Baruch Hashem

2008-06-29T00:24:00.004-04:00

I'm encouraged.

1.) Last night at Beth Yeshua, I saw a German guy preach and minister. A German guy who loves the Jews.

2.) This morning I spent a couple hours cleaning the upstairs bathroom. It needed it, and now it looks really, really good.

3.) Today I spent 2 hours with my Pastor's wife. She's encouraging and I came away feeling refreshed.

4.) This evening I spent a couple hours working on my graduation scrapbook. It's almost done.

5.) Tonight I did 70 NCLEX questions. Not enough, but a step in the right direction.

I would be a fool not to mention the benevolence of my God who allowed such a day to occure. I would be stupid not to thank Him every moment for His undeserved mercy and grace. It is only because of Him can I state all these occurences of my day. It is only because of Him can I sit here at my computer, alive and compatent, able to type about my day.
Sometimes I forget.

Baruch Hashem

Ecc. 1:3

2008-06-24T11:29:00.004-04:00

I think too much. Why do I make things so complicated?
I've been having a bad attitude lately. Why? I don't know. Maybe because my entire future is hanging in the air.

Obey God and leave all the consequences to Him. ~Dr. Charles Stanley.

Things don't seem to be working out the way I wanted or expected. But, of course that's because God has His plans, and my plans should be His plans, but sometimes aren't.

I've been reading Ecclesiastes lately, and It's really speaking to me. I've been having alot of the same feelings as the Teacher does. More and more lately. Life really is meaningless. Kingdoms rise and fall. People pass away. Toiling hard really doesn't do anything for you if you're dead. Trying to persue the things of this world: money, power, relationships, sex, nice stuff, lots of things..... really is a chasing after the wind. It will all pass away.

A lot of times, I say, "Oh Lord, just come back. What are you waiting for?"
And then I realize that He is waiting for me (and other Christians) to act. I feel as though Christ's return is largely dependent on the acts of the Believers. If we are sitting around (which I tend to do alot) and not doing what He has called us to do, He will wait.

"But I'm so busy!" I say. Yeah, well the accronym for BUSY is:
Being
Under
Satan's
Yoke.

No excuses there.

Praise God

"I want to look to you as a mentor, BA...

2008-06-19T20:28:00.003-04:00

...you know, when the purple wobblies start getting wobbly." Murdock to BA (The A-Team s.1, ep.13)

It's been a while. I've been on a trip to a couple states in the past few weeks, which I will simply summerize as WA/CO.

WA/CO was an amazing trip, which started out as a ministry (the WA part) and ended as a much needed break (CO).

WA was mostly rain and such, CO was mostly mountains and sunshine.

WA incorporated a grandmother in need of much prayer, and my mom's side of the family, whom I loved spending time with after not seeing them in several years. CO was seeing my brother Aduma for the first time in two weeks, and his amazing friend, whom I have not seen since GSE0P'08. It was great seeing her again.

And now, I am back.

Pastor Tom and Irene are super excited about the Boy's (and my) plans to reach out to the incoming freshmen at UD this fall. We'll hit them before any of the secular organanizations get a chance. We are excited. Much prayer and planning have been put into this outreach.

AAAAAnd, the Boy and I are excited about hitting the streets again soon. This is a much needed activity that has been swept under the carpet since the end of the Rick Era at SNA. Street Evangelism isn't just an outreach to tell others about the God who can save them through the Messiah Jesus, but also an exercise to help me, the Christian, be more confident in my faith.

After a slight spiritual depression, I am on the upscale again. I am ready to start my new life, and I know that the best is yet to come.

"I know that everything God does will endure forever: nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him."~Ecclesiastes 3:14

Praise God.

"I'm thinking about a career in medicine."

2008-06-04T15:37:00.005-04:00

"The only medicine you need is fo' yo' head."~ BA to Murdock. (The A-team, s.1: ep.13)

Ok, so I have a credential now. Deborah Mitchell BSN. Scary isn't it? Not as scary as it will be when I get that coveted RN stapled onto the end of my name. I've got a few months to go and a couple million brain cells to fry before that one though.
Proceeding onto the next stage of my life is going well enough. Key word: enough. I haven't applied anywhere yet...for the sole reason that I suffer from an extremely contagious disease called procrastinitis, but I'm not too worried about this. The nursing home is allowing me a graduate nurse position--part time of course--and don't forget the 8 or so trips I'm going on this summer. Ok...more like 3 or 4. Still, my summer load is heavy and it has just begun.
I'm taking a course that will help me pass the boards...the first time. Yup, that's right. Standardized tests, they say, have patterns and methods. Well I am learning all the secrets to cracking those codes and therefore isolating the right answer. Never mind what I learned in the last four years....I just have to learn the methods of passing this exam. And becoming a RN (Real Nurse).
Then what?
I hate when people ask that question.
"Do you have any jobs lined up?"
"What are you going to do after you graduate?"
Or when they make statements like:
"You won't have any trouble finding a job."
Or:
"You're going to be making the big bucks."
(Ohhhhhh that one's the worse.)
Yes, yes, I know that I won't have trouble finding a job, I know there's a shortage, and I know that nurses get payed 50 million dollars an hour!! Ok, already!
No, I have no idea where I'm going to work; I haven't applied anywhere yet; and I have no idea what I want to do! NONE!! OK??
Huh. I just had to get that out of my system.
Sorry to anyone that reads this and asked me these kind of questions. That outburst was not geared towards you. I promise.
I'm just sort of frustrated with the 'not knowing what I'm going to do for the rest of my life' thing.
I'm trusting God. That's what I'm doing.
For my nursing ceremony, they wanted me to state my future plans. My future plans? I have none. God holds my future in His hands. I don't plan for anything. So I simply stated that I planned to pass the boards and get a good job. That's vague enough.

Praise God

666

2008-05-22T16:39:00.003-04:00

That battle between good and evil is quite evident. I hate Hasatan, and that stupid thing invented at the dawn of time called 'sin.' But that doesn't stop me from doing it.

It's like I try as I might to live for God, but then there are those little things that I discount. "Oh, that's not important." I say. Or I make excuses.

It's those little "unimporant" "white" sins that would eventually lead to my downfall.

The devil lies, telling me their ok. "At least you're not like all those other people." he says. "You've never been drunk. You've never had sex. You've never even touched anyone in an inappropriate way. You've never cursed. You've never murdered. You've never stolen anything. You've never dressed in a provocative manner. You've never had decietful motivations. You usually obey your parents...."

Essentially, I'm perfict...compared to the world of course. And that's what Hasatan is trying to emphasis in his lies.

But I'm not perfict. I do have my downfalls. I do have my bad days. I am human. My sins may look "white" or "harmless" or whatever, but they are still sins. Sin is sin. Whether it's adultery or pride, it's still all the same. I am a sinful piece of rubish in the eyes of my Father. Only His good grace has covered that ugliness. Only though Christ can the Holy Father look upon me and not be disgusted.

God has teaching me about judging others lately. I feel like I have been falling victim to that....the judging part I mean.

Dear God! It's so hard to be a born-again Christian in today's society! I see all that is going on around me. All that is evil and sinful. It kills me inside, but there also is a prang of pride. I am not like them. Those sinful, worldly people. I am not like them.

Dear God, what is this attitude! Was I not in the same boat as these people before I was saved by the Father's undeserved grace?? Am I not still a human that sins every day reguardless of the fact that Christ bled and died for me so that I might be set free from sin??

What is wrong with me? Why is my attitude not like that of my Savior? Why do I do what I don't want to do, and don't do what I do want to do?

.66

2008-05-20T14:27:00.003-04:00

Whoooooooooo! Today I finished my last class.....EVER!!! Um, unless I go to grad school. But I'm not thinking about that in a long, long time.
So, I have to come up with an 80's punk rocker costume. By tomorrow. Yeah....about that.....

I start my Kaplan course tonight and my ERI bootcamp tomorrow.
YAY for impaling my brain with thousands and thousands of wonderful NCLEX questions!!!

Tomorrow night is Delac. That should be interesting. It looks as though my mohawk idea isn't going to work. Boo. Ok, I'm over it.

Oh yeah, and yesturday God decided that my time in hiding was pretty much over. He threw a couple ministry opportunities at me, which I unsuccessfully tried to dodge. Key word: unsuccessfully. For example: I landed in the Emergancy Department at Christiana with a good friend of mine (a Jewish Athiest no less) who was having abdominal pain, dizziness and severe anxiety issues. Had I not tried to dodge that ministry opportunity, I would have been able to ride in the ambulance with her (which would have been totally awesome). But, being the wus I am, I tried to rational why I couldn't escort her to the ED at 10pm.

Dude! What the heck is wrong with me? In the words of Rabbi Chernoff: "When you've got an opportunity to minister, drop everything and go!" Who cares about it being 10 at night, having to get up for work at 6:30, and not having done the paper that I have due in the morning???? It's the ministry, fool! Ok, that's a little Mr. T in me.

Point being, I realized my error as soon as the ambulance pulled away (ok, someone--the boy, namely--pointed out my error for me....) and we drove as fast as possible to Christiana.

I stayed with my friend for about an hour, trying to comfort her.
The hard part was when I asked her if she would like me to pray for her.
She said no.

No?

Ok, I said. And that was it. I am praying for her. Just like I have been for 4 years. The boy and I prayed for her in my living room that night. It's ok. God works. It's hard because I so much want to see her get saved, but I can't change anyone. God does the changing. We just do the praying.

Sooooo, I guess I'm back on the front lines. I stayed a little too long in the barricks, and now my Commanding Officer is pushing me back to where the action is. I'm a Ranger. Special Ops. Won't settle for less then the best.

And with my .66-caliber assalt rifle in my hands, ain't nothing going to harm me!

Rangers lead the way! Hooah!!

6

2008-05-19T10:14:00.003-04:00

God gave me rest last night. 6 hours of sweet sleep. A first in many weeks. He is good. Praise His holy name.
I went to Yael's church yesturday with Vision. We sang 6 songs. I sang my song for the last time ever. It went very well. People said I did good. The pastor presented a great message and worship was awesome. And we had fervant petition for Israel. Well, it was a Penacostal church. What do you expect?
Last night I watched classic The Empire Strikes Back. I love the movie except for the cliffhanger ending. Now I want to watch Jedi. See what happens to Han Solo...you know? Then the boy and I prayed for about a half hour. At first I was having some trouble, but then the boy started petitioning, and that jump-started me. It was pretty powerful. The windows in the car were all fogged up when we were finished. That sounds realllllllly bad.
Dear Lord, I am not of this world.
Nor do I wish to be.
The boy has been taking over the woman's ministry for me in my absence from it right now. What a great guy.
I've really got to call Union today. I've been putting it off for so long. And today is the day. Maybe after a nap.
Uh oh....I'm graduating soon. (T-12 days and counting).
Oh BABY!

Praise God

cureless but not defeatable

2008-05-16T22:01:00.003-04:00

So things are still crazy, and I'm still not sleeping at night, but eh... no big problem.

So, one of my friends from UD (a crazy guy named Brent) just got dx'd with an osteosarcoma or osteogenic sarcoma (bone cancer) in his arm. It's highly malignant, metastasizing to the lungs. Tx usually consists of chemo and amputation. Not fun. He's my age.

Seems like everyone's getting cancer lately. One of the UD IV leader's wife just got dx'd with pancreatic cancer. (Her name is Suzie). I overheard the nurses talking about her at the Medical Oncology Hemotology Consult chemo suite in the Helen Graham Center at Christiana Care. She probably won't have that long. It's pretty much palliative care from here on out. She's ok as far as I know, but her husband, Will, is a mess.

Also, the mom of one of my high school senior classmates just got dx'd with breast cancer. I got to see her getting her first round of chemo at the MOHC chemo suite in the HGC. I got to talk to her and her husband, who was my class "dad" at Red Lion. It was nice to talk to them. She's doing pretty good...now. Give her a couple days until the effects of the chemo hits. Breast cancer chemo drugs are pretty hard.

Speaking of, one of my mom's friends and coworker from Red Lion was also dx'd with breast cancer. She has three kids, and the oldest is good friends with my little sister. I don't know if she's started chemo yet. I think she's just had a mastectomy.

Yeah. Not fair. However, God is good. He has plans and he works miracles.
Nuff said.

Praise God

i'm a survivor.....not gonna give up.....

2008-05-12T19:48:00.005-04:00

I'm at the point where I'm simply surviving rather than thriving. My sleep schedule is wayyyyy off, to the point where I'm not able to sleep at night even if I'm tired, and the next day is a drag.
And because I'm so tired and all screwed up, I'm not happy all the time. And when I'm not happy, I'm not very nice. And when I'm not very nice, I feel bad and start going crazy because I hate the fact that I'm not very nice.
I'm going craaaaaaaazyyyyyyy!
I need a vacation!!!!!!!!

GOD!!!! HELP ME PLEASE!!! I'm restless, Lord. I'm restless and discontent. I want to be doing more and going other places, but I know you have commissioned me here for a reason. I know you have work for me to do here. I know you want me to stay in Delaware. Still.
I want to meet new people and see new places, but I know I am to stay here with the people I know for at least a little while longer.

Obedience to Him who gave me life.
Live in obedience.
Even when you don't feel like it.
Nothing else matters.

Praise God

senoritis

2008-05-08T17:12:00.002-04:00

I am quite ill.
Senioritis is running rampant in my body at this point. I was dx'd several months ago, and it has only gotten worse.
Unfortunitly, there is no tx. I've been trying to supress the clinical manifestations with ample doses of prayer, sleeping, chocolate and exercise, but nothing is really working. Prayer is the best tx I have found thus far.
The only cure for this terrible disease is called Graduation. And I am not scheduled for that until May 31. They say I'm not ready yet.
Yet this disorder is killing me!!
It has been having a chronic influence on my thought processes.
My psychological health is in jeopardy.
My cognitive fx is becoming compromised.
My emotional, spiritual, and physiological health are also compromised due to this terrible affliction.
What can be done?
I must remain focused....remain focused.....remain....
Huh?

who down wit' G-O-D!?...EVERYBODY!!!

2008-05-03T13:27:00.004-04:00

I have been rediculously hyper lately, and I'm not sure way. Here are my theories on the matter:
1.) working nights and sleeping days can screw up anyone's hormonal/mental/physical equilibrium.
2.) i'm almost done college wooot!
3.) 2 shots of espresso in a 12 oz. mocha coffee from Starbucks. Whoooaaaa!! Now that wasn't just crazy...it was dangerous!
4.) God, man. nuff said. Life is saweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!
5.) VISION!! concert tomorrow...my last one ;'-(

maaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!

2008-05-01T22:35:00.003-04:00

May!! Whoa. Ok, yeah, I'm a little erked because May is graduation month. Eeee! I'm not sure how I feel about that.

On the one hand, yeah, I am excited to graduate. Ya know, get out in the real world??? Leave my college bubble?? I'll become a real nurse and get a real job. I'll have more time to spend at Calvary Chapel. The people there are waiting for me to graduate so that I'll be able to join the worship team and play piano. So I do have my post-graduation ministries lined up. Yay!

On the other hand, graduation means becoming an adult really quickly. It also means that I have to leave Vision and all my friends. I won't be able to see them as much. But I'll make new friends....I hope.

Ok. Not thinking about graduation anymore (T-30 days and counting).

My clinical at Christiana Hospital is going well. My preceptor is pretty cool. She's 26. I've been looking for opportunities for spiritual conversation, and we've had a few small ones so far. I've been praying for her like whoa.

At Christiana, I am on the Oncology Unit. (Cancer for all you lay people out there.) However, I haven't actually been out on the floor that much. The majority of my clinical experience has been in the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit, which is sort of a separate unit from the rest of the floor. It's quiet there during the night (I work on midnight shift), and I often find myself with nothing to do because all my patients are sleeping. Last night I practiced NCLEX style questions. Sweet.

I got some fun assignments to complete before morning! :)
God is good.
Peace.

hiding out

2008-04-30T20:37:00.002-04:00

I am in hiding. Yup. Don't get me wrong-- I am not hiding because I did anything wrong, or because anyone is looking for me. I am hiding so that I can spend more time with my God. It's not a huge deal-- Elijah did the same thing for a year. It's pretty cool to hide...I recommend it to anyone.

you can take your $20...!

2008-04-26T10:50:00.008-04:00

Ok. So, there are three reasons why I believe that the whole of the Bible is the God-inspired Truth:

1.) Because it says so. Ok, so that seems sort of like a contradictory statement. If something that is debatable as truth says that it is truth, it's still up for debate. Follow? Here are a couple verses that support that the whole of the Bible is God-inspired and True: II Samuel 22:31, Psalm 12:6, Psalm 33:4, Proverbs 30: 5-6, and Hebrews 4:12.

2.) There's a bunch of historical evidence that supports the truth of the Bible more than any other historical document. (Archeological findings, the dead sea scrolls etc...) Several books were written about these findings including: "A Case for Christ" by Lee Strobel, "More than a Carpenter" by Josh McDowell, and "Know why you Believe" by Paul E. Little.

3.) Because my life depends on it. Psalms. 118:8 says, "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man." Likewise, Micah 7:5-7 mentions: "Do not trust in a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend.....a man's enemies are the members of his own household." I cannot put my complete trust in any human being. Not even close friends or family. Mortal man cannot save. Money is even worse. A person cannot put any trust in money because it comes and goes...and he will never have enough. (See Ecclesiastes 5:10). And don't even try to mention power, drugs or sex. Other religions don't cut it either...yeah I respect them and all, but, unfortunitly for most people, they're false.

Ok, I plead my case. Nuff said.

spiritual lepers

2008-04-22T13:53:00.006-04:00

Ok.
So....two things happened yesturday while me and the Boy were in his car praying. One thing was not so much a big deal, and the other was a big deal.
I had had a sore throat all day that was getting progressively worse. I was conserned because my clinical the next day would take be on the oncology unit- a place full of immunosuppressed people. I was unsure if I would even be able to go into clinical if my throat cold got worse.

While the Boy was praying, and he asked the Lord to take away my sickness so that I could effectively perform during clinical.
And God did--instantly. But that's not a big deal.
The big deal was that after the Boy stopped praying, I started praying, and what happened? I-I can't explain it....

It was like the Spirit was so big inside of me that it wanted to burst out of me. I felt it in my heart, in my belly, everywhere!
I prayed...oh, I prayed. That doesn't seem like a big deal, but I was praying from the heart, not from the head. I can not even remember what I said because I was so caught up in HIS Presence in that car. I was OVERWHELMED! I could have prayed all night. It was like the Holy Spirit was speaking right though me. I was praising, thanking, repenting....the whole shabang.
It was cool. Very cool.

I'm learning...The Lord is so, so gracious. He is so good. Why do I forget that so often. Why do I forget His love? He loves us so much. He Loves us. Can you not understand that, brothers and sisters? The King of Heaven LOVES us. The Scriptures say that our good deeds are like filthy rags to the Creator of the Universe. Like rags being used during a girl's menstral cycle to be precise. FILTHY.

AAAAAnd... He loves us. In the words of Pastor Tom, we are like SPIRITUAL LEPERS before we come to Christ. Filthy. Diseased. Dirty. Mangled. Falling apart. Unclean. Unfit for anything. As good as dead. Just a sorry, sorry state.
And God loves us.

Whoa.

changing

2008-04-15T10:41:00.003-04:00

I am changing. God is changing me. I cannot explain it.
I am learning how to listen to the Lord's voice, and I am working on obeying Him every time. It is not always easy, but it is most definitly rewarding.
I am learning how to talk to people. I am learning how not to be apathetic, complacent, comfortable. God has given me a boldness I can not explain; a gift I do not deserve, but very much appreciate.
Thank you Jesus.
God is moving powerfully. On Sunday, my singing group went to a United Methodist church in St. Michaels MD to sing and give testimonies. God was so present, I could feel it. The Lord moved through our group, speaking through those who were giving testimonies and speaking through our songs. Never have I felt the presence of God so thick in most churches....and in a Methodist church!
But God was there. I cannot deny it. We sang a hymn (all 6 verses, funeral-dirge style) and God was present. It was "All Hail the Power of Jesus' Name," and I was almost overwhelmed. I wanted to dance, spin, jump, shout....you name it. (And it was just an organ accompanying!!) But I simply raised my hands to heaven...and was satisfied.
Glory to GOD on high. Praise His magnificent name. Praise Him who created everything. Praise Him who knows all. Praise the One who holds all things in His hands. Praise Him. I cannot stop...I cannot stop...I cannot stop.
I am changing.
I cannot explain it.

"So I went down to the potter's house, and saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him."
-Jeremiah 18:3-4

Sarasota, FL

2008-04-06T21:45:00.002-04:00

This is an amazing place. I have learned so much about God, life, missions, and people. I have heard countless stories about spiritual and physical healings. I had seen countless evidence of such. God has a calling on my life---well for everyone actually. Many things have happened down here that can not be explained except for the glory of God. God. God. Eloheim the Lord, the Creator. This is not possible. It can not happen. NO WAY! No... YAHWEH!!! God has given me a boldness I can not explain. God has given me a compassion for the lost and the hungry and the weak and the poor. God's spirit has filled me more than I can imagine.

I am done playing church.

I am done fooling around.

People are dying and going to hell. I don't have time for foolishness. I don't have time for stupid arguments about unimportant aspects in the ministry.

It should be simple: love God, love others, provide for their needs and tell them the gospel.

Gods.

Only.

Son.

Preaching.

Eternal.

Life.

Praise God for his everlasting love. Praise him for his undeserved grace and mercy. Praise him for his justice and his knowledge. Praise him.

a few things

2008-03-22T22:00:00.004-04:00

Oh man, what a week. Practically no time to sleep, let alone blog on this site. Clinicals at Wilmington hospital are harder than I had imagined. I think my clinical instructor thinks I have anxiety issues and learning issues and stuff. She even gave me extra assignments so I could try to stay on same page with the other students. I don't think she likes me very much. At least she hasn't been pushing me to get tested for ADD like one of my clinical instructors last semester. Another instructor last semester told me that I should take anti-anxiety medication. It just takes me a little longer to get used to things. That's all. I know I'm different. It's the way God made me.

The cardiac step-down unit is hard, but I am learning alot. I get exposed to a lot of things there. The nurse I had on Friday was very nice and approachable, so I went to her with my questions rather than my instructor. Both Thursday and Friday were very difficult, and I must say that I was playing with the idea of changing my major haha.
I know that the Lord puts us through tough times so that we can grow, and so we can learn to rely on Him for strength rather than ourselves.

I called the Boy up several times this week to cry and vent and spill out my frustrations. He's so great; he always listens and gives great Bible-based advice. I couldn't ask for a better ministry partner and friend. By God's grace and overflowing blessing, our relationship has simply flourished even more since we have stopped "dating" (if you can call it that). We have recieved multipul conformations that we are supposed to be working together in the ministry for the present time. Who knows what the future will bring? I'm not thinking about it.

Easter tomorrow. That means grandparents and less time for the homework I need so desperately to finish. I'm hoping to finish most of my stuff by Monday so that I have most of the day Tuesday to research my new client's meds, patho etc.

God is good. He has a plan. Nuff said.

my rant on the trial at hand

2008-03-10T20:57:00.003-04:00

I really wish I could publish what I really want to say.
About the trial at hand.
You know who you are.
But I already wrote it all out then erased it.
I choose to hold back my words.
God has given me grace in that aspect.
Praise God.

house of jesus

2008-03-08T10:20:00.004-05:00

Oh my goodness. As usual, Beth Yeshua was amazing last night. Rabbi Chernoff might have well just preached to me. His message was exactly the answer to some situations I am dealing with. Funny how that happens. Worship, of course, was absolutely amazing. And when I went up for prayer, I got a few words as well. It was great. THIS--Beth Yeshua I mean--is what it's all about: Amazing worship, solid scriptures, prayer and prophacy, and amazing well-grounded people. Praise the Lord.
SNA tonight. We'll see how it goes. I'll be playing the piano and singing, so I'm excited about that. And the Boy will be preaching, and of course that will be good. I don't know who all will show up though. We'll just have to wait and see. I'm not worried because God is working.

I really wish we could have a mini-Beth Yeshua on campus. How awesome would that be? One day. Praise God.

out of the closet....

2008-03-07T16:58:00.003-05:00

I'm finally contributing my blog to the general public, because I've got nothing to hide. ("I'm coming out...I want the world to know...!") hehehe!

Some super amazing things have been happening to me lately. Since I have stepped down from SNA worship and persued the Woman's Ministry, God has just overwhelmed me to the point of overflowing with wonderful, precious girls! Praise the Lord! Even my co-worker, whom I've been praying so hard for, showed me a Christian book she was reading yesturday! Praise the Lord! And one of my friends, who is searching, came to Pastor Tom's Bible study the other night, and she loved it! And my good friend who just became a Christian in December wants to get baptized!! Yay! God has been moving in ways I could not even imagine! And I get emotional just thinking about all that God is doing on this campus!! He HAS been moving and He WILL continue to move powerfully. And me? I am just a broken, dirty clay jar, but somehow, for some reason, God is using me!

All I want to do is serve my God. All I want is to enjoy my Father for who He is and enjoy Him because of all the things He teaches me.

He is so good. SO, SO good.

Praise the Lord.
Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens.
Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness.
Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise him with the harp and lyre,
Praise him with tambourine and ancing, praise him with the strings and flute,
Praise him with the clash of cymbals, praise him with resounding cymbals.
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord.
Psalm 150

strict obedience

2008-03-02T18:13:00.005-05:00

What's done is done.

steps to a healthier me

2008-02-28T17:45:00.003-05:00

I've been trying a new thing: eating an apple every day. Today and yesturday I ate an apple and a banana. I've been doing the apple (or sometimes a banana) thing almost every day for about a month now. I hope that I'm healthier. I've also tried drinking more water, and two nights ago I went to bed at 10pm. 10pm!!! So yeah, little by little I'm trying to work my way to a healthier me. Exercise is difficult though. I have almost no time to go to the gym, and it's been too cold for a walk or a run, but hopefully Spring and my future rotations will help me to start exercising again.
I want to feel good, and not tired all the time. I want to be able to think clearly and quickly (whole grains and fish is good for that), and I want to be able the best that the potential God gave me allows.
I am His temple, and therefore, I want to take care of His temple. Inside and Out.

the Boy

2008-02-27T16:39:00.005-05:00

I just wanted to take the time to contibute this posting to the Boy.
He is one of my best friends. Through the months since we became ministry partners (back in August), we have grown so much together. In our relationship with each other, as well as our relationship with God.
The Boy has always been there for me to answer my questions, explain things about the Bible and ministry, and to pray with me. He has also been the brunt of many venting sessions. Never have I found someone my age with so much knowlege, wisdom, and zeal for Christ. It is a rarity.
I really, really appreciate him. Alot. He is truly a gift and a blessing from Almighty God.
So, yes. Praise God for godly relationships and cool people who want to obey God and seek Him with everything they are.
Praise God.

women's ministry, SNA

2008-02-27T16:22:00.010-05:00

I've gotten alot of encouragement from people about my walk with Christ over the past few weeks, and I am excited. I know I'm doing ok...but I don't want to settle... and I am figuring out a little of what God wants me to be doing on the campus this semester. Ministry. Specifically, women's ministry:

*Intercessery prayer for my women
*Prayer that they would be filled with the Holy Spirit
*Whatever words God speaks through me
*Building a trusting relationship
*Being a listening ear and a counselor/advisor only when needed--and always going back to the Word for advice
*Being a loving support and compassionate friend

I have been appointed by the administrator of Saturday Night Alive (but more specifically by God) to be the Women's Ministry Leader. Right now, the women's ministry is very unofficial, and it's just me and God. And that's fine. When the time is right, God will provide others to do what I do.
I'm just praying that I don't get in over my head.
I've got to go. Library beckons.

la paz pt.2

2008-02-24T09:53:00.002-05:00

Last night (ie. early this morning) I failed to mention something about the Mexico missions team presentation.
The team went to Mexico to work on the church building, teach VBS to the children, and do whatever other tasks needed to be done.
While there, the team met a family. It consisted of a mother, a father, a daughter, and five grandchildren. The daughter is around my age--21. She has five small children. Her father is a drug addict who prostitutes her for money to feed his addiction. The children are from different "clients."
Hearing this broke my heart.
A lot of people were focusing on the children, but the Lord broke my heart for the young mother.
I want to go to Mexico with the missions team next year, if only to meet that young mother and tell her, "Este es un homre. Se llamo Jesus. Te ama." Yes, that is what I will say. Then I will pray for her. I am already praying for her.

la paz

2008-02-24T00:03:00.007-05:00

SNA tonite was actually pretty good. The La Paz, Mexico missionary team from CBC presented, and even though I had already heard their testimonies last Sunday, I was still blessed. God works. One of the guys on the missions team who is from Colombia and therefore knows Spanish said he would be able to teach me some Spanish at some point (over coffee!) I am excited about that. His friend (who is also Hispanic) taught me how to Salsa. Tonight was alot of fun.
I found out tonight that I could play the song "Blessed be your name" very well on the piano..that's a blessing. God has been cultivating this talent for the piano 100-fold over the past few months. I started playing only in November, and I played my first song for SNA in December when Minister Neil came and spoke. I played and sang "Praise Adonai." Now I know many chords and can play many songs. To God be all the glory for that.
Church tomorrow. I'm planning on going with the Boy to his penacostal church in PA. I've been there once, and it's definitly not something I'm used to, but I still like it. One of the members there is a prophet. Maybe God will use him to speak to me tomorrow. It's not a huge deal because God speaks to me through His Word all the time.

Tonight I asked GOD, "What does it mean to 'remain in Me'?" I was refering to the passage in John 15 about the vine and the branches.
He answered me even before my entire thought was completed. "By living according to My Word."

Nuff said.
Hearing from God is actually quite easy. There are 66 books chock full of stuff that God is saying. Anything heard outside of the Scriptures must line up with the Scriptures, (there are many verses to back this up) or I'm sorry, boy, but you ain't hearin' from God.
Nuff said.

v-tach

2008-02-23T11:17:00.003-05:00

I don't know why I'm always tired all the time. It's probably a lack-of-exercise thing. Also I go to bed too late.
The Boy came over last night and we watched the newest Bond flick, Casino Royal. Pretty sweet. My favorite part is when he difibrilates himself after he goes into ventricular tachycardia. I like the new Bond...even thought he's blonde.
I love my internship at the Senior Center. Yesturday, someone asked my advice for her diabetes. I tried to do the best I could...which was refering her to a doctor.
No one has fallen or fainted or stopped breathing or seized or died on my watch today...yet.
SNA tonight. Week 2 of being off the worship team. It feels good.
My Bible-reading and prayer life has been decreased in the past week or 2. I've got to get on that instead of watching Bond flicks with the Boy or checking my email every 5 minutes, or writing this.

trust

2008-02-21T18:31:00.002-05:00

Vision tonight. Spiritual advisor-ness beckons. I told the WT at SNA that I would be back with them in a few weeks. I'm not so sure that will happen. God is leading me in a different direction for now. Sure, I would like to join back up with the team in a few weeks, and I'm sure there will be a huge need for my talent and experience, but I feel like God is simply saying, "Trust me in this." I have no idea how worship is going to happen without a worship team, but I think God has something up His sleeves. This being said, the Boy always mentions how we don't nessesarily need music to worship God. I'm excited....and a bit nervious to say the least. But God is moving, and most of all, He is in CONTROL. Why do I doubt? Why do I try to take things upon myself because I don't think they will work out otherwise? If God is in it, things WILL work out....better than I could have even hoped.
In other news, I started my internship 2 days ago at the Newark Senior Center. I love it. My supervisor is really cool. I think she has ADHD. I like talking to the Seniors. For some reason, things always happen at the lunch tables that I randomly sit at. Yesturday, it was someone's birthday at the table, and the old people kept feeding me cupcakes. Today, a lady at my table had a seizure, and I had to hold her body down while she was convulsing so she wouldn't fall to the ground.
I wonder what Tomorrow will bring??
Praise God.

clinical

2008-02-19T15:07:00.003-05:00

Ok, I'm spending wayyyyy too much time procrastinating, and not enough time doing what I need to do. So what else is new?
I started my first clinical rotation of the semester--community health at the Newark Senior Center. It's a sweet place with nice people. It will be pretty easy and layed back, so I'd better enjoy it now before rotation 2 with medsurg on the cardiac step-down unit. Ugh. I can't even think about that.

Medsurg 2.
Team leader 2nd day.
2 patients.
tons of med questions.
Wilmington.
Cardiac.
AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

It's not for 4 weeks, but I'm getting scared now. I feel like I don't know how to do anything.

::house cleaning still in progress::

prayer night

2008-02-18T18:36:00.003-05:00

Prayer night tonight. *sigh.*
The other night I prayed by myself in a dark room upstairs in the church building right before SNA. It was amazing. I had forgotten how much I loved to pray like that. It's been a while since I've been to Isaac's prayer night in 130 Smith -- a lecture hall. We used to walk up and down the stairs, lay on the floor, stand in the front, sit in the back...do anything we wanted while we were praying. Isaac would start us out, and boy, were his prayers powerful and with authority! I'm not saying that other people's prayers arn't as powerful, but this guy was a sweet pray-er.
Oh, and how we would pray! We prayed for the campus, we prayed for the students, the profs, the faculty... Oh, it was amazing. I remember one night near the beginning of my experiences at Isaac's prayer nights, I was spiritually healed. It was by the grace of God alone that I was healed. I had been going through a spiritual depression for more than a year...it had gotten to the point that I actually thought I was clinically depressed. Mom was worried about me.
I went to prayer night reluctantly. A good friend and mentor took me there. I sat down, unable to pray silently, let alone out loud. I was depressed. I was upset. I had been trying and trying to get close to God, but it didn't seem to be working. I had had a difficult summer, and I had thought that going back to school would make things better. It did a little, but not much. I did not want to live this way.
A good friend of mine, and a man I now recognize as a spiritual leader, sat down next to me. He had never really talked to me or acknowledged my existance. Now he was asking me what was wrong. I had trouble telling him. Finally, all I could say was, "I'm struggling in my faith."
And he prayed for me. Oh, how he prayed with power and authority. I could literally sense all the black stuff, the sin and the pain and the guilt that was holding me back from having real freedom in Christ leave. My heart was washed clean, my guilt and pain was gone, and I was renewed.
I was so happy. No--joyful. I cannot express the joy I felt. God loved me! God wanted to be close to me! I felt so good. I felt so free. God is good.
Things like that should happen at prayer nights.
A few things like that have happened to me since, but not as dramatic or life changing. God is a powerful God. He is so good, and wishes to give us things. All we have to do is ask.
So...prayer night tonight. I know that God can move like he did 2 years ago at Isaac's. He is not limited one bit.

free

2008-02-16T18:07:00.001-05:00

I'm finally free. Jesus set me free.

extended breaks

2008-02-14T14:07:00.005-05:00

All will be revealed soon enough because God is moving.

After much prayer, thought, counsel from trusted friends, and diliberation, I have decided that it is time for me to quit the worship team for a period of time--perhaps forever if that is what the Lord wills. It's just as well, because Vision is starting up again tonight, and I've got a semester of spiritual advising to do. Other than that, the unofficial women's ministry beckons. Yesturday was hard for me, but I am looking positively toward the future. God will do what God will do whether I am part of the team or not.
Praise God.

dust bunnies

2008-02-13T14:35:00.006-05:00

**I have deleted portions of this posting due to the fact that this blog is going very public. This posting is about some difficulties going on in the ministry. I know I'm being vauge, and I'm sorry, but I do not want to risk slandering anyone.**

"The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the Lord."-Proverbs 21:31
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, and against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."
Evil is really, really real. There is more going on under the surface than anyone can imagine.
I plead my case: I have prayed furvantly that the Lord reveal any and all offences inside of me so that I can have a clean conscience. I have searched the Scriptures long and hard for answers as well as been counseled by a wise, well-versed in the Word, strong relationship with the Lord, well-trusted pastor.
The Word says, "Examine yourself to see if you are in the faith; test yourself" (2Cor. 13:5a). I have examined myself time and time again, and the Lord has, in fact, pointed out things that I needed to work on, or repent of, or make right. And I have been obedient. I have done all these things. I have a clear conscience before the Lord.
The Battle is not mine--it is the Lord's.
Praise God forever and ever, Amen.

today

2008-02-11T11:19:00.000-05:00

Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in hope that God will grand them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will. ~2 Timothy 2:22-26

no room for holes

2008-02-10T13:09:00.000-05:00

SNA worship went well last night, however, today's message from Pastor Tom at Calvary Fellowship was further conformation that we have a false prophet in our midst. The Boy is planning to talk to him on Monday. A clean split is needed in this case. No more playing around and ignoring God.
God is moving...and He will continue to move and do greater things than even before. I know I'm being vauge, but I cannot post details that have not come out in the open yet. And I do not wish to risk slandering anyone's name.

Lord God,
I pray for a unified campus in Christ as well as Christians on campus who are on fire for Christ and the gospel.
I pray that the sleeping giant may be awakened soon, and that Christ's power may rest in all of us as we spread His Holy Word on this dark, desolate, and defeated University of Delaware campus.
And I pray that, using this army of His people, God may move powerfully to take back what is rightfully His....a campus which was founded by a pastor upon Biblical truths. Amen and Amen.

Philippians 1:9-11

revival

2008-02-09T11:03:00.000-05:00

Last night, the Boy and I had an amazing time at Beth Yeshua. Even though Rabbi Joe spoke instead of Rabbi Chernoff, it was still cool. We had great worship led by none other but Greg Silverman and the youth band. We sang "Revival," which is one of my favorites from Greg.
After the service, the Boy and I went up for prayer. I asked prayer for the campus, and the couple that I was with prayed for the oppression on the campus, the Christian community on campus, and that there would be opportunities and open doors for me to be a witness. I am extremely greatful for these prayers.
The Boy, on the other hand, recieved two prophacies from another couple, which are very beneficial to some difficulties we are going through with the ministry.
Hooray! Praises for good grades!! I recieved an "A-" in my voodoo class! This is probably my first "A" in a nursing course during my college career. And I'm a senior haha! Praise God! This will give my GPA quite a boost! haha, just kidding. I've accepted the fact that my GPA is somewhere on the ground. As long as I become a good nurse--that's all that matters.

voodoo

2008-02-08T14:36:00.000-05:00

My "voodoo" class ends today yay! I'm fed up with that rediculousness. I've still got to take the online final though. I gave up reading the text a while ago because I couldn't stand the constant double-talk and hazy explainations of far-out-there concepts. Not my cup of tea. I'm done with that.

The Boy called me up during lunch hour to pray for my exam. That was nice.

Beth Yeshua on the schedule for tonight. Can't wait to be back there. Last time, I was annointed and prophacied over. That was cool. Worship is absoluely amazing there. I've never felt the presence of GOD stronger anywhere else. And I love Rabbi Chernoff. He's so funny.

I'm thinking of sharing a passage from Deuteronomy during worship tomorrow night at SNA. That will flip some lids. I'm keeping that idea under wraps for now, though. Got to make sure my intentions are pure.

holiness

2008-02-07T22:39:00.000-05:00

Ezekiel 36:23-29a
"I will show the holiness of my great name, which has been profaned among the nations, the name you have profaned among them. Then the nations will know that I am the Lord," declares the Soverign Lord, "when I show myself holy through you before their eyes. For I will take you out of the nations; I will gather you from all the countries and gring you back into your own land. I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. You will live in the land I gave your forefathers; you will be my people, and I will be your GOD. I will save you from all your uncleanness."

Ezekiel 36:36b
"I the Lord have spoken, and I will do it."

victory

2008-02-07T11:41:00.000-05:00

Can't say much, but revival is just around the corner. The Boy had a vision/prophacy about SNA. I was in it as well. Things are going to get better, I know it.

"Greater things will I do," sayith the Lord,"Rely on me for your strength."

Praise be to the Lord God Almighty, who is good to His Word. Praise be to Him for His loving kindness; for His grace.

May Hasatan be crushed under the heel of Him who reigns in victory forever.

for the record

2008-02-06T08:50:00.000-05:00

I am feeling rebelious. Yesturday, the Boy discouraged me in my ambition to dye my hair. So last night, I lay in bed thinking about being rebelious. My thoughts began at dying my hair some exotic color, which turned to getting a nose ring, which then turned to getting a tattoo. The Boy would definitly flip out if this happened.
Funeral today. To be honest, I'm more nervous in seeing most of my old classmates, than seeing a dead Nikki (who, apparently died of a heroin overdose according to Ally). Hopefully this will change. I hate funerals. I always run out of tissues. I'll bring the whole box this time.
Praise be to God.

day two

2008-02-05T11:03:00.000-05:00

In between work shifts. My co-workers are sometimes jealous that I get a two-hour break every day. I also get less salary then them. It doesn't matter much. Flexability is more valuable to me now that I'm in school. I'll be in the real world soon enough.

Speaking of the real world, a friend of mine from my high school class and soccer team died last week. They don't know if it was a murder or a suicide. They found her in the bedroom with traces of heroin, and her ex-boyfriend hanging in the garage. It's still under investigation.

In other news, I was talking to my co-worker today about witnessing. She's a Christian and an avid evangelizer, which has been a blessing since I started working at the Nursing Home. We are praying for salvation of many of the staff and family at the Nursing Home. God has given me an open door to build a relationship with one of the young LPNs there. She is seeking, I know. I just have to be obedient and present the Gospel to her. God will do the rest.

this is me

2008-02-04T20:43:00.000-05:00

First blog ever. Got to make this quick and informal. I'm trying to finish up a bunch of homework stuffs for my "voodoo" class. This time we learned about T'ai Chi Ch'uan. Not bad stuff, but I always get a little confuzzled when they talk about the "ch'i" (or "qi") Chinese energy force. Some of this stuff is actually beneficial, I believe, you just got to remember who created it.
Ok, a friend of mine is turning 21....bowling party tonight as well as hopefully finishing up my photo assignment for this week.
BREATH! One week left, then a 10 day break before clinicals start.